Did you ever have one of those days? One of those days where in the course of trying to do a good deed, you end up getting kicked in the gut instead? That was my day yesterday. The details are not important and they are not for public consumption, but I am, like so many others, tired and frustrated. So, for a few moments, the product reviews, giveaways, deals, blogging tips, and more have been put aside. It’s time for this woman to vent before I just lose my mind.
As a blogger I have seen the good and the bad side of bloggers. Sadly, I’ve seen more of the bad side lately and some days I want to throw my hands up in the air and yell “uncle”. Fortunately or unfortunately (it depends on your point of view), those thoughts are usually followed by the thought that I will not let anyone get the best of me. I suppose it’s my Irish ancestry that throws down the proud and stubborn card. I suppose it is that thought that I will not go quietly that keeps me in this blogging game.
Still the irony of the blogosphere has hit me like a ton of bricks today and I just cannot bite my tongue one more time. I’m going to rant and if you are offended, so be it. What I have to say does not apply to everyone, so there’s no need to feel personally attacked unless you feel that I have described you. I have met and made friends with some fabulous women who happen to be bloggers. But, being a blogger does not make you a fabulous woman and those who do not fall into the fabulous category make a bad name for all of us!
Today I realized that I am entrenched in a community that spends a great deal of time writing in the name of supporting women but is filled with those who have no intention of being supportive to other women. Blogs filled with tips about raising children, saving money, saving the planet and offering to make your life easier are often run by women who would just as soon shut the door in your face as look at you. Think of it like the man behind the curtain in The Wizard of Oz. The legend is far more impressive than what you find when you move back the curtain. I have encountered bloggers who own and maintain frugal living blogs who do not cut coupons. Women who write tips about how to keep your house clean and organized who haven’t taken their own tips. Individuals who write about the importance of building strong relationships with your children who may need to take their own advice. Bloggers who espouse to be more honest than the rest of us because they tell you exactly what each offer posted earns them even though they are dishonest in their dealings with others. That is the irony of the blogosphere for me.
It would be so refreshing if we would all just tell the truth. The truth that some days are better than others. The truth that some days are homes look like a tornado came through. The truth that some days we don’t have it all together. The truth that we sometimes spend more than we should and behave less well than we report. The truth that sometimes we do or say things to others that are less than supportive. Basically, I wonder why don’t we tell the truth that we are human.
As I write this, I wonder if I tell the truth and I would like to think that I do. I am not perfect – far from it to be honest. I am a forty-year old woman, wife and mother who continues to be a work in progress. I have days when I think I need to be better wife, mother, cleaner of the home, organizer of the life, saver of the money, blogger and overall person. I have days when I have a sense of accomplishment and I do relish those moments. I have other days when I could spit nails and God help you if you are in my path. I have moments when I it seems like all is in sync and moments when nothing seems to be going right. I try not to verbally “throw up” on my blog on those days, but maybe I should. Maybe we all should once in a while.
Here is where it comes full circle for me. Women bloggers are women and women, in my experience, slap a happy face on it and pretend that all is well. Sometimes women hide behind all that is good in their life and pretend that the bad doesn’t exist. Well, right up until you anger one and then they will tell you all that is wrong in their life so that you can feel even worse for whatever crime you may have committed. I have encountered very few women who will just say “I’m sorry” or “I was wrong”. Instead, it is “I’m sorry” that, but let me tell you everything that is going on in my life that justifies my poor behavior. Funny, if we would just be honest about what’s going on, we probably wouldn’t have to justify our bad behavior after the fact.
So, here is my truth. I have three blogs – Yankee Texan Mom, Mama’s Money Tree and Mommies Vote Too. I have three because I have a lot to say and because I am desperately trying to earn an income to help our family come out of a mountain of debt from a failed business. I am married to a wonderful man who tells me every day that I am beautiful and that he loves me. That does not mean that there are not days where I want to literally just smack him upside the head. I have a 3-year-old daughter who is my world, but there are times when I would kill for 5 minutes of peace and quiet. I have a 16-year-old stepson and 12-year-old stepdaughter whom I love very much, but there are days when it can be a struggle to be a stepmother. I turned 40 this year and when I look back at my life, there have been highs and lows, successes and failures, great choices and horrible mistakes. I have been blessed with great friends and family, but I’ve not always done a great job of being a great friend or family member. I can be a wonderful person and I can be a complete bitch too. I am a work in progress who, at the age of 40, has realized that life is what you make of it and that there is no reward for creating a facade to hide behind.